H-e-l-l-o :-)

Things have been a little hectic lately. It seems that all of a sudden I have become part of a lot of projects all at once. I am preparing to take the GRE in December, completing graduate school applications, working with a renal support group, preparing for my first kidney walk, not to mention attending various seminars and meetings to better prepare me for the transplantation process. I must say that is somewhat refreshing to not be surrounded by doubt and uncertainty! My mom told me that it is better to go through this now than wake up when I am fifty and decide that the life I have lived is not the one that I actually wanted. I think I am going to become an advocate for kidney disease whether I want to or not. It seems that is the direction that I am going. Before I was diagnosed, I didn't really like talking to people, but now it's an everyday thing. Its strange how circumstances reshape and mold our personalities and goals. It just reenforces the fact that we go through everything for a reason, and that there are lessons in every aspect of our lives.

No match yet!

Well, my cousin wasn't a match. The transplant team works at warp speed! My coordinator called me on Friday morning before I completed my dialysis treatment and gave me the news. It was a little disheartening because you hear about people find matches with the first person to get tested. But I've never had such luck! The good thing is that I have stopped moping around and using kidney failure as an excuse to hate the things that I am allowing to go on in my life. I am finally doing something about it! It took more than a yeat and a half, but hey, it's better late than never. I have my top list of schools that I will be applying to and two alternatives, I know the GRE range that I need to fall into, now all I have to do is track down my professors for recommendations. That may be the hardest thing to do because they are no longer at the institution I graduated from. They have, essentially, scattered, they are in the wind. I'm sure at least one of my former professors still at the college know how to reach a few of them.

Well, I am off to finish reviewing for the day! I feel like I'm in remedial math because I got a book that takes you through the major areas of high school math. But I want my score to be as competitive as possible because I have been out of school for a little while, and I did fail my first year of law school... I have to make myself look pretty damn appealing under those circumstances!

Moving on up...

My cousin went to get tested to determine whether or not she is a match to be a donor yesterday! I am on pins and needles. We'll get the results on Monday. At this point, it doesn't matter that she is a match (it would be wonderful if she were), but I am happy that she was the first to actually go in for testing. People have been telling me for the past year that they would go in for the testing, but once the time came, they all suddenly disappeared or didn't remember saying that they would do it. She let me know that she supports me through all of this and would do anything she could to help me (or at least make me feel a little better). I don't expect her to go through with the operation if she is a match... At the same time, I know that she is not one to back out of her promises, so if she is a match, she'll do it!

I am most excited because we've taken another step forward. I may not be remotely close to actually getting a kidney, but I am happy knowing that everything is moving forward, that all of the time I have spent standing still was not in vain. It's funny how, sometimes the smallest gestures can make a world of difference.

Tia, thank you so much (I know I've said it a hundred times by now!) and I love you!

Ok, now I have to finish studying for the GRE and start doing applications! This was my break for the day! :-(

What's going on?

ok... there are situations that i see daily that make me realize that my life is not half as bad as i make it out to be! story:

i was at dialysis, waiting on my ride. i was sitting on the front steps doing a soduku puzzle. and a girl walked towards the center. she was crying and disheveled. as she walked a man in a battered little red car crept along beside her, attempting to coerce her into getting back in the car. she waved him off and continued walking towards the center. she made it up the ramp, and then all of a sudden i saw this big black man running towards us (i was still sitting on the porch. i was about to ask her if she needed to use a phone)! as he bounded up the stairs, he told her "you make me so sick" and his hand flew back and her slapped her! she looked stunned for a minute, but by the time she regained her composure he had put her in a choke hold and begun to literally drag her back to the car. while all of that was going on i ran into the center and told someone to call the police, someone else went out and got his plate number. the girl somehow managed to get out of the car and walked around the corner. he sped off in the same direction but came back a few minutes later, apparently he was still looking for the young woman. the police never showed up, and i do not know what happened to the young lady. i prayed for her all the way home.

that whole situation scared me, not only because there was a two hundred pound man running towards me, but that he basically battered this woman in broad daylight in public (not that battery is something that should go on in private) and he had little regard for others, especially this young woman. it reminded me of watching two of my aunts deal with abusive relationships, and no matter what had happened, they always found their way back to the idiots who felt they needed to express their emotions by hitting a woman. i have never understood (nor do i want to) understand what justification a man uses to tell himself that it is acceptable to hit a woman. what has memphis come to that such a thing can happen in broad daylight. apparently the two had been fighting for a while (further down the street, i couldn't see them, but a driver said that he had been watching them... i still don't know why he didn't call the police, or any of the other passing motorists for that matter! then again... the police didn't even bother to show up!) that bothers me that no one thought about her well being... maybe its because i know what my aunts went through... i don't know...

what is it with all of the violence that has been going on lately? black males here are becoming more and more violent and confrontational, and they do not care about the repercussions. they fear nothing and no one. there seems to be violence everywhere! when the Amish community is affected by violence, then i know there is something definitely wrong with mankind. what makes people do such things... why?

i am still trying to rein all of this in... i am thankful that i am going through what i am going through. i have been blessed in more ways than one!