Sobriety

This week has been one of those sobering weeks. Four people have died this month (which is a bit uncommon for me), one gentleman will loose his insurance coverage because he is an illegal alien, and another gentleman completely lost his foot due to diabetes complications. Looking at all of this from my point of view made me realize that most of the things going on in my life are trivial. I spend too much time being angry and resentful over the most minute things. Yes, I am fighting for my life, in a sense, but I don't have to deal with some of the other medical problems that other dialysis patients have to. I am not diabetic. I do not have fluid restrictions. I can drink and eat most liquids because I can still go to the restroom. Most patients loose urinary function and so can only intake about 32 ounces of liquid each day. I have a handle on my high blood pressure, and most of the problems that came with the kidney failure are slowly, but surely correcting themselves (the anemia, bone disease, acid reflux, etc). I have not lost any limbs or my eyesight. And I have a support system that is out of this world encouraging me each day, even if they can't exactly understand what I am going through.

I have watched people completely give up and give in to the sickness. I remember with reverance those who fought to the last second. And some deaths were unexpected. I saw one woman one day and the next she was gone. I saw one lady on Wednesday and she was gone on Friday. It's scary because it was so unexpected. When I go home after dialysis, I expect to see the same people during the next treatment, but, apparently, God has other plans. It all makes me think about my own fallibility and whether I have or will live my life to the fullest.

Death is a very scary thing. I never thought I would be this close to it. It is different when you are young because you do not fully understand all that is going on around you. But when you are older, things sink in more. Death becomes more real, more concrete. It makes you appreciate the people around you. It makes you value relationships. It lets you know that things in life could be a lot worse, that God has, somehow, decided that being part of all of this is crucial to your growth and development as a person...