Still here...

I'm still here! Things have been hectic this past month! I thought pre-transplant list testing was rough, man this is utterly ridiculous! I feel like I have to get every inch of me tested (inside AND out) from top to bottom! I know it's only to make sure that I am healthy enough to a) go through with the operation itself, b) that I am mentally ready for such an operation and the consequences and implications that come with it, and c) to make sure that once I get the transplant that I won't go do something stupid that will essentially destroy the organ (like drugs, drinking, not taking medications, etc). But I feel that my doctors know a little too much about me, my lifestyle, and my bodily functions (and yes, I do mean all of my bodily functions!) When I decided that I would get the transplant (yes, I'm finally ok with it), I knew that I would have to undergo a lot of tests, bloodwork each week and things like that. But I have been to about ten appointments over the past few weeks, and these do not include dialysis. And I haven't even gotten through half of the tests that I am to undergo. I am a little overwhelmed by all of it, but I also know that there is no way that I can continue going to dialysis three days a week for the rest of my life. I have too many expectations of myself, and the longer I stay on dialysis, the more I feel I have let myself down. So, I think I have to do this to make my life as normal as it can be (well... as normal as it can be for a transplant patient. I have learned that normal no longer exists in my world). Anyway, I have just finished dialysis, and I feel like I have run two miles and I merely walked up the stairs! I know that's sad, but its getting better. I have started exercising on the days that I do not have dialysis. But I am so out of shape it is ridiculous. I have a long way to go!