I've been a little self-absorbed lately... i do apologize
I have been so self absorbed with my own problems (and creating them) that I have thought little about my friends. They have been with me through thick and thin, and I am grateful for each of them.
One of my best friend just got back together with her ex, and while I think it is wonderfuk, I know that they have a lot of things from the past that they must deal with and overcome before they can take their relationship to the next level. So many things in her life seem to come straight out of fairy tales... so much so that at times I think she really believes that she is living in one. But it must be great living in such a world. We are so different, but so much alike. She deserves every good thing that happens to her. She is a wonderful person. She is kind, trusting, and outgoing where I am skeptic, shrewd, and introverted. She makes people feel comfortable in her presence, whereas I want to know what motives people have for doing any and every thing. But I have learned to be patient with people because of her. I have learned that people do not have motives for certain things... that sometimes people are just moved to do things. I thank God she is one of my best and dearest friends. I know that she will continue to be with me for life, no matter what we face. We have been through the fire together in the form of illness, cheating boyfriends, back stabbing friends, failed attempts at career choices, new beginnings, and distance. She is my sister, not borne of my mother, of course... but she is my sister.
My other best friend is the same way, though we have been on different continents for the past few years. She has remained close, even through the distance. It is wonderful just hearing her voice. When I talk to her I know that everything will be fine, that I have no real reason to worry about anything in life. She cements my faith in God when others tore it down. She lets me know that nothing comes from despair. When I was initially diagnosed with kidney failure, she was the first to know outside of my family. She and the above mentioned friend were the only two of my friends who knew that I was sick, that I was dealing with a terminal illness. I doubt that I would be the calm, strong person I am today with the two of them, my mother and grandmother. Each of these women gave me a part of themselves that allowed me to stand on my own and let the world know who I am and what I am dealing with. I give back to all of them in any way I can, and sometimes in the smallest way but I know it is what they want. I try not to sink into depression (and believe me it is a struggle not to), I try to stay positive at all costs, I try not to complain, I try to do things to get my mind off of dialysis, kidney failure and hep c. And they are with me every step of the way. I remind myself to thank God for them each day.
In other news, I went to the hepatologist the other day. My doctor always tells me not to drink because it could cause considerable liver damage, giving way for the hep c to attack my liver once the damage has begun. And he writes it on all of my discharge papers, knowing that I do not drink but just as a simple reminder. Well most of the nurses know that I do not drink, and have not done so for a few years. Well... all, aparently, except one, and she would be the one who was assigend to discharge me! She was giving my papers and reading what my doctor had written. She came to the do not drink alcohol instructions and her voice became really quite. She looked at me and said "the doctor wants you to stop drinking alcohol!" I could feel confusion flood my face as I looked at her. She continued talking. "You're so young and I would hate to see what would happen to you if you keep drinking. It could be terrible. There are AA programs that you can..." AA?! My face fell and she just stopped and looked for a moment. I looked at her, eyes wide and said "I don't drink! He just puts that on there as a reminder!" I laughed as she took a long breath. There was relief in the breath that she took. I smiled and touched her arm and informed her that I knew the repercussions if I drank at this point in my life. She silently thanked God. I laughed again. I said "thank you! I started getting a little scared when you started talking about AA! Then I thought that I should tell you that I'm not an alcoholic, nor do I drink!" She looked at me, the look of relief had flooded her face and she relaxed considerably, and laughed. "Now that I've made a complete fool of myself..." I smiled and told her that it was nice that she showed such concerns for her patients. I turned and left, and I heard her relating what had just happened to another nurse. I couldn't help but wonder why she would think I was an alcoholic. Did she think I had done anything destructive to my body to cause the kidney failure and the hep c! I have not. I have had hep c for most of my life (I contracted it from a blood transfusion when I was a baby. It was the 80's and hep c wasn't really on the radar when checking bllod used for transfusion purposes.) I would never have done anything intentionally to cause myself any of this pain. But it shook me to think that people could assume that my medical maladies were my own fault. All of this simply lets me know that education is the best weapon against all of this. Maybe this blog will help the next person... who knows...
One of my best friend just got back together with her ex, and while I think it is wonderfuk, I know that they have a lot of things from the past that they must deal with and overcome before they can take their relationship to the next level. So many things in her life seem to come straight out of fairy tales... so much so that at times I think she really believes that she is living in one. But it must be great living in such a world. We are so different, but so much alike. She deserves every good thing that happens to her. She is a wonderful person. She is kind, trusting, and outgoing where I am skeptic, shrewd, and introverted. She makes people feel comfortable in her presence, whereas I want to know what motives people have for doing any and every thing. But I have learned to be patient with people because of her. I have learned that people do not have motives for certain things... that sometimes people are just moved to do things. I thank God she is one of my best and dearest friends. I know that she will continue to be with me for life, no matter what we face. We have been through the fire together in the form of illness, cheating boyfriends, back stabbing friends, failed attempts at career choices, new beginnings, and distance. She is my sister, not borne of my mother, of course... but she is my sister.
My other best friend is the same way, though we have been on different continents for the past few years. She has remained close, even through the distance. It is wonderful just hearing her voice. When I talk to her I know that everything will be fine, that I have no real reason to worry about anything in life. She cements my faith in God when others tore it down. She lets me know that nothing comes from despair. When I was initially diagnosed with kidney failure, she was the first to know outside of my family. She and the above mentioned friend were the only two of my friends who knew that I was sick, that I was dealing with a terminal illness. I doubt that I would be the calm, strong person I am today with the two of them, my mother and grandmother. Each of these women gave me a part of themselves that allowed me to stand on my own and let the world know who I am and what I am dealing with. I give back to all of them in any way I can, and sometimes in the smallest way but I know it is what they want. I try not to sink into depression (and believe me it is a struggle not to), I try to stay positive at all costs, I try not to complain, I try to do things to get my mind off of dialysis, kidney failure and hep c. And they are with me every step of the way. I remind myself to thank God for them each day.
In other news, I went to the hepatologist the other day. My doctor always tells me not to drink because it could cause considerable liver damage, giving way for the hep c to attack my liver once the damage has begun. And he writes it on all of my discharge papers, knowing that I do not drink but just as a simple reminder. Well most of the nurses know that I do not drink, and have not done so for a few years. Well... all, aparently, except one, and she would be the one who was assigend to discharge me! She was giving my papers and reading what my doctor had written. She came to the do not drink alcohol instructions and her voice became really quite. She looked at me and said "the doctor wants you to stop drinking alcohol!" I could feel confusion flood my face as I looked at her. She continued talking. "You're so young and I would hate to see what would happen to you if you keep drinking. It could be terrible. There are AA programs that you can..." AA?! My face fell and she just stopped and looked for a moment. I looked at her, eyes wide and said "I don't drink! He just puts that on there as a reminder!" I laughed as she took a long breath. There was relief in the breath that she took. I smiled and touched her arm and informed her that I knew the repercussions if I drank at this point in my life. She silently thanked God. I laughed again. I said "thank you! I started getting a little scared when you started talking about AA! Then I thought that I should tell you that I'm not an alcoholic, nor do I drink!" She looked at me, the look of relief had flooded her face and she relaxed considerably, and laughed. "Now that I've made a complete fool of myself..." I smiled and told her that it was nice that she showed such concerns for her patients. I turned and left, and I heard her relating what had just happened to another nurse. I couldn't help but wonder why she would think I was an alcoholic. Did she think I had done anything destructive to my body to cause the kidney failure and the hep c! I have not. I have had hep c for most of my life (I contracted it from a blood transfusion when I was a baby. It was the 80's and hep c wasn't really on the radar when checking bllod used for transfusion purposes.) I would never have done anything intentionally to cause myself any of this pain. But it shook me to think that people could assume that my medical maladies were my own fault. All of this simply lets me know that education is the best weapon against all of this. Maybe this blog will help the next person... who knows...
posted by E. Brown @ 3:41 PM
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