Don't Put Nothing Past Nobody!

I am beginning to understand why a girl I know from college always said "I don't put nothing past nobody!" I am learning that people have their own agendas in life no matter what you have done, are doing, or will do for them, even people in your own family. Maybe this is the reason that I have such a strained relationship with one of my sisters. She only thinks about herself in most cases and then wonders why my some members of my immediate family also have strained relationships with her. She would rather do things for other people in our family (namely cousins) than her own siblings. Today was no different. I was supposed to go get a haircut and meet with a gentleman about a job to get details on when I would start, my hours, pay, you know things like that. And not having a car, I asked her if I could borrow her car... I asked for four days straight and her excuse was she didn't know what time she was working (which is a bunch of crap because she gets her schedule each week, so she knew early on). But she didn't see fit to tell me until Wednesday night... a few hours before I had to do what I needed to do. By the time she told me it was way to late to be calling people asking for a ride. I was pissed because this isn't the first time she has done some crap like this. It amazes me that she cries and crap when people don't or can't do things for her, but she can pull some shit like this and be just fine with it!

This has been going on a lot lately, and I have finally come to the realization that it is not going to change, so I decided to wash my hands of her and her flakiness (and that's hard because we live together!) I figure if she can come up with overly retrarded excuses as to why she does certain things for some people and not others, then I can do the same thing. I wonder how she'll react of I refuse to let her use my computer... Or if I refuse to help her in paying some bill because she can't at the moment... Things would just become petty then and that would be the equivalent of sinking to her level and to tell the truth I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I would give someone the shirt off of my back if it meant that person would be warm for a few extra hours. But it has come to the point that I no longer trust her and believe me that is hard! As my friend says " I wouldn't put anything past her!" I have done a lot for her and she has burned me so many times, that I have become immune to alot of it. Like when she left me with a $300 cell phone bill that she has not yet paid me for (and she has the nerve to talk about my other friends!) Or when she got upset because I wouldn't babysit my cousin's kids so that the two of them could go out. There have been other situations too numerous to mention. This time pissed me off because she is messing around with my career and Lord knows that I need a job and want to work. But at the same time, it is my fault for depending on her and not having a back up plan. I should have known by now that something like this would happen. But se la vie. I know that in the end, I will ultimately achieve what I want to achieve in life and none of them will be from depending on someone else even for the small things, they will come because I depended on myself and trusted in myself.

So, now, on top of attempting to set up another meeting with this gentleman, I must now figure out how I am going to get to and from work (and believe me public transportation in Memphis, TN is about as reliable as a my biologiacal dad (it is essentially non-existent) but if it comes to that, then so be it. I'll ride the bus, even if it gets me there 45 minutes late and I have to walk ten minutes to get to my destination. If it means getting me the hell out of here then I am all for it!

There are times when I wonder how some of our personalities ended up in the same family. But them I guess that makes us who we are. I have great relationships within my family. Some are better than others, but even with all of the crap that I have gone through and am going through I wouldn't change any of it. I guess it'll give me integrity in the long run. Maybe it's teaching me how to deal with certain people and certain personality types so that when I get my PhD and begin teaching at the college level I won't be so naive and gullible (and believe me I am!) Anyway, I have to get ready for my Mexican soap opera! Gotta get some snacks and all that jazz cause once it begins I am not leaving the tv screen alone for a second!